Editor’s note: Hanna Grandgenett, PhD, is an assistant professor in the MMI Department of Psychology. She has specialized training in the assessment and treatment of childhood trauma.
Many children and families experience difficult or traumatic events, including abuse, the sudden loss of a loved one, serious accidents or medical trauma. Afterward, children and their caregivers may feel scared or overwhelmed. Some children may also experience nightmares, upsetting thoughts or changes in behavior. Families often feel uncertain about how to best to support their child after such difficult experiences.
The silver lining throughout many traumatic events is that children and their caregivers are incredibly resilient. Resilience is our ability to adapt and cope in the face of adversity. We know that caregivers can take small but impactful steps at home to help their child cope after a difficult life experience. Some examples include:
- Revisit consistent routines. After a difficult event, life can feel unpredictable. Returning to familiar routines as much as possible can help children know what to expect and feel more secure.
- Offer choices to youth. Traumatic experiences can sometimes leave children feeling like they have little control. Offering simple choices, such as “Would you like spaghetti or chicken for dinner?” can help restore a sense of control and independence.
- Model healthy coping. Show your child what to do when emotions are heightened. For example, you might say, “I’m feeling upset, so I’m going to take a few deep breaths.”
- Validate feelings and minimize self-blame. Children often experience many confusing or conflicting emotions after a traumatic event. Letting them know their feelings are valid and understandable can help them cope. Most importantly, remind your child that what happened was not their fault.
- Look for small moments of connection. Playing together, sharing a favorite activity or reading a book together can make a big difference in helping children feel safe and connected. Your presence, support and love are among the most important things you can provide to your child during this time.
- Finally, remember to be kind to yourself and “put your own oxygen mask on first.” By making time for your own wellbeing, you are taking an important step to be there for your child, too.
- If symptoms such as nightmares, avoidance, or significant changes in behavior or mood continue or interfere with daily life, consider reaching out to your pediatrician or to a behavioral health professional for additional support. Trauma focused therapy is one resource available that can help youth and families cope with traumatic life experiences.
Note: If you are concerned that a child has experienced abuse or neglect, you should contact child protective services, and you should call 911 if a child is in immediate danger.